Keep The Catcalls To Yourself: Not All "Compliments" Are Good Ones

By Francine Fluetsch on September 28, 2014

image via thinkprogress.org

Today, we are going to talk about compliments. Ah, compliments, the things that can totally make your day. But did you know they can also break it? Now, I know what you’re thinking: “whaaat, who doesn’t like a compliment?”

Don’t get me wrong, getting complimented is always fun, if it’s done correctly. Yes, you can indeed compliment wrong. So let’s look at some of the yay’s and nay’s of complimenting.

Nay’s:

Might as well start with the bad. Nay compliments are ones that can be on the creepy side, cat calling being a wonderful example of a nay compliment, because it’s not a compliment–it is objectifying a woman and making her feel uncomfortable/creeped out and possibly scared for her life.

Example:

Clara is walking home from work and sees a guy sitting on a bench. She walks past and as she does:

Guy: Damn, you are gorgeous!

Clara: Um, thank you. (Smiles to not be awkward).

Guy: Where are you coming from?

Clara: Work.

Guy: Oh you work around here? What’s your number? We should grab coffee some time.

Clara: Oh, you know, I actually have to be somewhere … (Turns and walks away).

Guy: Bitch.

www.womenshealthmag.com

Now, what could be wrong with this? He called her gorgeous, a “compliment,” and then was just being friendly, right? Wrong. He made her uncomfortable. He didn’t even ask her name before asking for her number, and was altogether too straightforward and overstepping his bounds.

And as soon as a girl shows a sign of rejection, the guys turn mean, and that is exactly what makes compliments from strangers so scary. Clara didn’t want to be rude, but she already calculated where the situation was going and wanted to remove herself. Instead of the guy realizing that he came on a bit too strong too fast, he decided to make it her fault that he was rejected.

This article, which actually gave me the idea to write this article in the first place, states it beautifully that while, yes, you are obviously allowed to compliment “what you can’t do, the vast majority of the time, is compliment a woman in such a situation without making her anxious and/or uncomfortable.”

image via classtreet.com

Cat calling and telling a woman she is a “fine piece of ass” is not exactly the right approach if you want to tell her she is pretty/get her to go out with you.

This video takes a “funny” yet all too true approach of hitting on this point as well.

A random girl doesn’t want or need your approval of how she looks. Sure, you might be doing it from a good place (or not) but she has no way of knowing which one it is.

And the biggest no no of all is to compliment at night when a girl is walking home alone. That is when girls definitely don’t want to be approached, because even if you are the sweetest person on the entire planet, you look like a threat.

It really is sad that we have to be on guard like this, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Yay’s:

So, now you guys must be confused about what we won’t find creepy. Basically, the best approach is to compliment girls that you know. Your friend looks nice? Tell her.

Or if you don’t know her, get to know her. If you are sitting next to a cute girl in class, why not strike a conversation with her first and actually get to know her, instead of telling her she’s really pretty, asking for her number, and then sitting next to her in awkward silence when she says no.

Oh, and remember to ask her her name!

But if you want to compliment someone to simply make their day, which can definitely be appreciated, take a non-creepy approach.

Example:

Jake and Emma are in Starbucks waiting for their orders. Jake notices Emma’s aqua eyes and thinks they are stunning. As he grabs his drink, he turns to Emma and says:

Jake: Wow, you have beautiful eyes.

Emma: Oh, thank you!

Jake: (Smiles, and walks out).

In this situation, Emma didn’t feel cornered because Jake made it apparent that he was leaving and was simply noticing her. You definitely can make compliments come off in a positive light, as long as it’s genuine and you aren’t expecting her to sleep with you just because you said she has pretty eyes.

So what’s the moral of this story? You basically have to learn to read the situation. If a girl is obviously in a rush to get somewhere, she doesn’t need you to stop her and tell her she’s cute in your attempts to woo her.

If, however, you see someone, and get to talking, why not get to know her before slipping a compliment in? That way, she knows you aren’t just interested in her looks and therefore, ding ding ding, less likely to be creepy.

So good luck out there. I know the world can be a confusing place, but it’s all about learning new things, right?

Keep the catcalls to yourself.

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